Extremely long post but I honestly need advice!

I first found out I was pregnant in May, my baby’s father wanted nothing to do with me or the baby so he completely cut contact with me, although his family have always been in the picture. In August he moved to Germany. Every now and again he would contact me to say he regrets his decision, feels guilty and wants to support me and the baby, but the following day he would say he doesn’t want to be part of the baby’s life.

I am very close to his mother and she knows all the ins and outs about us, as I share everything with her. My baby’s father came back to England in September for a funeral, and neither of them told me, although I admit it was none of my business. In October, he then contacted me again to say he’s been stupid and wants to be part of the baby’s life, low and behold - he changed his mind and cut contact again, this time it really affected me as I told myself if he’s made the choice he doesn’t want to support my baby then I will make sure he will never know who his father was, and I stupidly gave him another chance.

As you can imagine, I was completely upset and stressed that someone could fill me with hope that my baby would have that extra bit of support to then say “he’s not ready” it really angered and annoyed me that he was allowed to behave this way, and NO ONE batted an eyelid.

Not even two weeks ago, his mother and I went to one of my scans at the hospital, and we had afternoon tea after. She then told me he had been telling everyone he’s excited to have a baby, and that he’s coming home... but did he message me? No. Not only that, she then told me he wanted to be on the birth certificate and he wanted the baby to have his last name. It’s a legal document so I can’t say no to him being on the birth certificate, although I did laugh at him wanting MY baby who I nourished and provided for to have his last name. Not only that... she then told me that he wanted a DNA test to prove the baby was his. Now this offended me and upset me as he knows I never slept with anyone else... and why even request a DNA test after you’ve said you wanted the baby to have your last name.

A few days after I got a message from his cousin telling me he was back in England and that I deserved to know because it’s not fair how I had been treated. I was shocked that I wasn’t told, but again, none of my business. When I saw his mother a few days later, I did bring this up to her and she lied and said he surprised her by getting a flight home and she had no knowledge of this. I know that she lied because she let it slip that she had booked him a dentist appointment whilst he was still away, and let it slip that she had paid for the flight. Yes, he is a full grown man.

I went round one evening for dinner so we could talk, and I explained that I would never trust him and that I’m still anxious he would up and leave again, he was adamant he wouldn’t and we had a lovely evening. Although when I mentioned the DNA test, he said it was shady for him to say that and he only had that thought in his head because months ago his mum questioned him if the baby was his. Why couldn’t she ask me? Both of them know I wouldn’t have ever cheated!!!!

He has to go back to Germany in January for his stuff, and to stop the lease on his property, so I text him to see when he was going and when he was coming back because our baby is due at the start of January, he then told me he would miss the birth and the first 6 weeks of our baby’s life so he can go back to Germany until his lease is up. Sounds bizarre for someone who is supposedly excited to have a child, no? I text him that I have to register the baby’s birth within 42 days and if he’s not here, he can’t sign the birth certificate and he didn’t respond, but obviously I was used to that. I text him again to ask him to have his flu jabs as it takes 14-21 days to get into your system, again, he didn’t respond. I then messaged his mum to see if he had broken his phone as he hadn’t replied to me in 24 hours, and her response was “he’s watching football”

Today he messaged me saying he was sorry that he hadn’t replied, but still never replied to any of my concerning questions. He then told me his mum was getting annoyed that I was texting her and that I was annoying, and it made me cry. It made me cry because I would text her solely about the baby, and once about him not replying. She never really responds, even when I send her pictures to do with the baby, or the baby moving. After I got over being upset, I was angry. Angry that she had told him I was annoying for being concerned that he hadn’t replied. She knows I don’t trust him after how he has acted over the last 8 months, and I text him stuff with in reason that NEEDED a response.

I just want to know how to handle this and what to say, I want them to know that comments like that really do affect me, especially because I’m worried I’ve given him another chance just so he can up and leave again. His mother has supported me the most these last 8 months so to find out she’s been purposely keeping stuff from me, telling me white lies, and that she finds me annoying just won’t leave my brain, it’s making me well up now because I trusted her so much.

Do I have the right to be upset or do I need to grow up? I want them to know they’ve upset me but I really don’t know how to project this to them, especially because none of them don’t bother replying to me and I probably won’t see my baby’s father until early February, and I won’t see his mother for another week or so. Thank you.