I don't know what I expect from saying all this.. Maybe just to bitch or for reassurance. I just feel SO defeated. I just started working again, before when I worked I would pump out about 16 ounces of milk in an 8 hour period. It's been 2 months and I started a new job finally, but now I'm lucky if I get 8 ounces.

I'm not putting out as much as he's eating at home. I don't have the time I want to take to pump the extra 5-10 minutes after my milk stops to try and tell my body to produce more. I'm beginning to feel so sad and stressed about it. My right side is my producer, it gets 3 ounces now when before it would get 5-6. And my left side is my lazy one, before it made 3 ounces. Now I'm lucky if I get 1.5 ounces! I don't know why, or what I'm doing differently.. but today I decided to take that extra 5-10 minutes and when I get back I got lectured about how it's the holidays and I can't just take that much time away. I was even off the clock!! My son comes first. That's all I could say. I walked away feeling more stressed than when I pumped a measly 2.5 ounces from both breasts.

Like I said, I don't know what to expect from posting this. I just had to say something to anyone, maybe scream into the void because I'm so upset..

I want to say props to all the momma's who pump and work and have to take that precious time away from their babies to make an income. It's not easy. It's not easy missing them. It's not easy worrying every minute if they're doing okay without you, or if you're gonna produce enough to keep up while away from them. You guys are amazing and don't any of you EVER forget that for a single fucking moment. Ever.

UPDATE: Ladies, I was able to continue EBF. My heart is filled with joy. I still stay up late to pump two more times. I drink mother's milk every other day. I eat oatmeal every morning. I bought new pump parts and a size down for my flange (it's not a lie- the correct size does wonders!) I bought myself a Haakaa which is seriously single handedly one of the best inventions ever created. With all this effort, I get four six ounce bags to freeze everyday and he only eats two in the 8 hour period I am away. I am so happy. Thank you all for your kind words, your advice.. your encouragement. It has helped me through this rough patch. This journey with my son has been so amazing and I thank God everyday for being able to breastfeed him. I'm so glad I didn't have to supplement but in the back of my head I will never forget that's always an option- and that thought alone helps too! You are all amazing and no matter how long you breastfeed for, I see you. It's hard work. And I applaud each and every single one of you for the nourishment you give your babies - breastfed or formula fed- keep on being amazing, Mama's!