Emotion vs Practicality-Thoughts during the two week wait

So a little back story. My husband and I celebrated 7 years of marriage in April (I am 27 and my hubby is 28). We have a wonderful son who will be 6 in January and just started school in August. 😢 we decided in May to start trying for number 2 since I finally had enough PTO accrued to use for maternity leave. I got off my birth control and we found out we were pregnant in June. After a week of excitement I started bleeding at work and I miscarried. I was devastated and took a week off to recover. The doctor said we were safe to start trying again right away because my HCG went right back to nothing. We became pregnant again right away. The doctor had me check my hcg for the first 2 weeks and everything looked great, but the 6 week ultrasound showed concern. By 8 weeks we knew for sure nothing was growing and scheduled the DNC for August 30th. This time I just took a long weekend, but again had to use more PTO.

I now have less than a week of PTO available and will get another 12 days in March. I signed up for short term disability through work, but it won’t cover pregnancy until October. We haven’t been preventing, but haven’t really been trying since then either until this month. If I conceive this month, I will be due mid September, so I am so torn. The emotional side of me really hopes we conceive this month and we will figure it out, but the practical side of me says it won’t be so bad if we don’t conceive until next month.

Anybody else been in a position like this? PS- my husband is a stay at home dad because we can afford to live on my income and it makes more sense than paying for child care, so my income is the only one.

Here is my family. This picture was taken when we knew we were probably losing the second baby but trying to remain positive.