Forgiving

I dont know why I just cant let it go. When I got pregnant with our child he begged and begged me for an abortion. I didn't get one because I dont believe in them. He asked me to marry him. We did a court house wedding. I wasn't able to turn the license in right away due to insurance reasons. Not even a month later he asked me if I turned the license in and I said no. He said "good" because if I did he was going to annull it. Like literally major events in my life that I wanted to be ecstatic are absolutely ruined. I can't have anymore kids so thats out the window and marriage. Well after that I don't want to make it legal anymore. Sometimes I just stare at him and get so angry. He loves our child immensely and loves me but my anger is ruining my relationship. Its especially bad tonight. I've tried talking to him but he never has anything to say or knows what to say. I dont want to be angry anymore. I don't want to leave him. I just dont know what to do.