I’m sorry your daddy’s so far away, and I’m sorry mommy cries so much. I’m sorry I made it hard for you before you’re even born. Im sorry that no matter how hard I try to get better I’m always going to feel worthless and you’re going to grow up having to watch me fall apart. Im sorry grandma still has a hard time loving you. I’m sorry you can never meet grandpa.. I’m sorry that everything I do that I think will make life easier for you just ends up ripping away at my soul. I’m sorry I scream that I hate you while I’m crying on the floor holding you. I’m sorry that because of everything I’ve been through I doubt that my own daughter will love me. Im sorry that you’re my daughter and not someone else’s. I’m sorry sorry that I didn’t listen to your father when he said, “maybe we aren’t ready for this..” I lost my baby before you and I couldn’t lose you on purpose... I begged and I cried and I promised him I’d be strong enough and that we could take care of you.. but now daddy’s had to take care of me more than ever.. he loves you with all his heart and I know that he’d be an amazing father with or without me. I tell him I’m tired of being here and I’m so glad you’re too small to know what that means in the chance that I do take my life.. he says it’s ok if I want to go and that he’ll take care of you and love you and tell you that I didn’t want to go but staying alive was just too hard sometimes.. I’m sorry that I went through what I did and I know most of it was my fault. I’m sorry that there will be days when I won’t get out of bed or eat. I hope by the time you’re old enough to understand you forgive me for all the times I couldn’t take you to the park to play because I was being attacked by my own mind. I hope you forgive me for being your teen mom. I hope you love me. I hope you love your father. I’m so thankful that you get to have a father who wants to be there for you to love you instead of hurt you. Im so glad daddy didn’t run away because you and I wouldn’t be here without him. He might call me his angel but he’s mine. And I know that if anything ever happened to me he’d never let you go. He loves you so much Elizabeth. I love you Elizabeth. I hope that once I hold you for the first time all my fears will wash away. I hope that you understand how much i love you and how sorry I am for being sick. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make your life spectacular.. you’re our baby girl and we wouldn’t trade you for the world.