I am 20 & have been with my spouse for six years , 2 married .

He’s a porn addict/ narcissistic person . Very hardworking, and at times can be very kind and loving .

Anyways over the years porn has been his demon for himself personally . At first I didn’t care , mainly because I was fifteen when I first was dating him. I just kind of laughed it off . Our first year of dating he could never cum unless he jacked off to porn . No matter what I did . It made me feel small, and not good enough. Eventually I married him because I loved him , and truly wanted a life with this man .

I was open to respecting someone’s sexual beliefs, and I didn’t want to be “that wife”

I had no idea it would lead to a sexless marriage , no intimacy, passive aggressive behavior, mild gaslighting ,narcissistic behavior, and suffering through a miscarriage alone. I love this man so much , and I do truly respect him ..

He has admitted he has a problem many times, and asked for me to forgive him . He says it’s compulsive, and he can’t control himself . That he doesn’t want to look at other women, but can’t help it . We went to counseling where he was told he had an addiction compulsive problem . She suggested going for treatment or out patient care& he said no . We stopped going to counseling, and I stayed for another year . Every couple of months it comes out that he’s been binge watching porn & I always know when he’s doing it because he removes himself from me, and becomes unattached. I left two months ago , and it was so hard at first . I got a new job, a place with an amazing friend, and even went out a few times to feel like a normal person. I got reconnected with an old friend & I slept with him. I felt Terrible . So sick , and I felt like I was a horrible person, but truthfully I enjoyed it !

He recently just split up with his wife who had been cheating on him...

So the lines were a bit blurred and we both were hurting, and ended up regretting it mutually .

I came home for Christmas to spend with my family& saw my husband . I stayed with him for a few days, and fell back into my emotions. I was very upfront with him , and told him I had been with someone else. He was very hurt , but was very quick to carry on . He wants us to go to counseling, have a baby, and move somewhere new . He seems very serious, and is treating me like a princess. I know this could all be a way to get me back.

——

Anyways , I woke up this morning to a message from the other guy apologizing to me for treating me as if I was expendable. He admitted he was still hurting over his wife, but truly wanted to see me again . He said he would love to get to know me. I am laying in the bed of my husband I am supposed to be separated with reading these texts?? Is this even real life , SOS.

What do I do ?!??!