I’ve been married for almost 3 years (2-3/4 to be exact) and this past year we decided to start TTC.

I stopped taking my birth control pills in February (2/2018) and officially started “trying” in May.

I thought it would be easier.

In June/July I started to take OPKs religiously. Taking Prenatal vitamins. Exercising. Eating healthier. Refraining from alcohol. Keeping track of everything (CM, sex, positions, weight, temp, moods, yeah... you all know the drill.) & Still no BFP... it’s frustrating to put so much energy and hope into something that ultimately fails every. Single. Month.

My feeds filled with BFP announcements... some of whom are not married or stable or all that (not that this stuff really matters) ; but what I’m saying is that we’re 110% ready for this baby. & no matter how much good energy I put into it, we always come up short.

Yeah, we’ve only been trying for 7 months. & we’ll continue to “try” but I just won’t be focusing on Glow and OPKs. Glow makes me hopeful yet stressed, inputting my every move daily & believing that this month is fool proof and that it’s definitely going to happen this time. When it doesn’t. OPKs are getting costly and they also give me a sense of false hope.

Last month I told myself that I was done with the constant tracking. I would strictly use Glow to track my “so-called” ovulation, periods and sex. I wouldn’t take anymore OPKs.

I’m going in to 2019 with a clear mind. If it happens, it happens. I don’t wanna keep beating myself up every month because I’m not pregnant. I want to enjoy life and take every day as a blessing, pregnant or not.