I am over-the-moon excited about this baby. But, there is a little back story that is complicating my excitement and I am dreading telling my family about the baby....mainly my sister.

Here's the backstory.... I have a twin sister that is my absolute best friend and the most important person in the world to me. I got married two years before her I had been with my husband for seven years before that and had my first baby just before her wedding. She and her husband tried for 2 years to get pregnant and had to do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">fertility treatment</a>. When she found out she was pregnant with her first baby I found out 5 weeks later that I was pregnant with my second. I waited a long time to tell anyone because she was so excited and had been waiting for so long to be a mommy and I didn't want to steal her thunder. I still don't think she knows to this day but it affected my pregnancy a lot in that I felt like I wasn't allowed to be excited. Even after our babies were born it was hard.

Fast forward to this past year. 8 months ago my sister had a miscarriage at nine and a half weeks with her second baby. I was there with her when there was no heartbeat and it was devastating. I have to admit that it was my personal worst fear and what I have had nightmares about with all of my pregnancies. It was so hard to watch somebody that I love go through that. The hardest part is not since that happened they have not been able to get pregnant and my sister has just gotten more and more depressed.

Because we are so close we've been on the same cycle. I got off of birth control in October and tried for this baby on my first ovulation cycle. I found out last Thursday that I am pregnant with baby number three. One of the things that makes this so strange is that with all three of my children I have been so blessed to become pregnant the very first month of trying. Really sensitive to my body and I can tell when I'm ovulating so it makes it I guess some what easy for me to be able to know when the right time is to make a baby...I know my sister is upset by this. She was upset by the last two babies so I'm sure she'll be upset by this one.

The final straw happened just two days ago. On Wednesday the 26th her second baby was supposed to be due. She came over to my house and ask to talk to me, which is something she never does, she's very introverted. She poured her heart out and cried about how difficult it's all been and about her relationship and how she feels about herself and how depressed she is. my heart just broke and all I could think of in my head was that I was lying to her because I hadn't told her that I was pregnant.

this weekend I have family in from around the world to celebrate the holidays. part of me really wants to tell everyone and to celebrate this new baby. I feel like I just can't with how bad she's been feeling. It feels like I would just be pouring salt in a wound for her. how do I tell her about this baby and how do I not let it Shadow my own joy and excitement about it.

She's such a wonderful sister and Mom and all I want for her is another baby that she can give all her love to. There's nothing I can do to help that.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to get this off my chest. It's monopolizing all of my thoughts.

Update:

I asked her to lunch today and we went and I told her. It was hard and I just blurted it out because I was nervous. I cried and so did she. She is sad but she knew I was trying and isn't upset with me, just sad for herself. I asked her to not shut me out and not be around me, even though it may be hard. I need her now too.