Me and this guy dated for 4 years. I did everything for him. I supported him, pushed him, and loved him. During our first year, we broke up for like a week and I started talking to an old friend that was a guy. He took my phone and found out and was mad. This was well over 3 years ago. He got over it and I never talked to the guy or any other guy again. I was nothing but loyal. I deleted all social media while he kept his. After the first year things got bad. He started putting his hands on me. (He’s really strong and can pick me up and throw me without trying) he never punched me but he would throw me or grab me so hard it left bruises. I thought this was my fault and I loved him so I didn’t leave. He would apologize for it. Everytime he was mad he would go off on me and say the most evil things. Throughout the years things just got worse and worse. But there would be good times and we loved each other and were very comfortable. I gave him everything. He was my first everything. I wanted so badly for things to work out and for him to treat me right that I treated him as if he was my husband. I bought him things for work, clothes, etc. cooked for him. Anything I could do to prove my love for him I did, but it was never enough. We broke up 2 months ago. For 2 weeks he was blocked and we didn’t talk. He didn’t try to reach out to me nothing. During this time he created a tinder that my friends showed me. When I asked he said he made it Bc he throught I had one and saw it on my phone but i don’t have one and if he saw that on my phone he would have killed me not made an account. He lied to me. and throughout our relationship would follow and like girls post nonstop to get their attention. I begged him to stop and he said he wouldn’t. Then after he started blowing my phone up telling me he wanted me and that he messed up and that thing would be different. And asking me to make love. I kept saying no and ignoring him then he showed up at my house saying he got dropedoff and didn’t have a ride. After a while I let him in my house and we had sex. I met someone during this time that I was talking to and that treated me like a queen. I reminded my ex that we weren’t together and that us having sex didn’t change that. One day while we were having sex he took my phone and looked through it without me knowing and found messages between me and the new guy. He pulled out and went off on me. Put his hands on me threw me around called me names and everything else. Told me I cheated and that I’m a hoe. That he was going to go fuck someone and send it to me. The next day he told me to come over to make love and that he still wanted me and though I knew I shouldn’t I felt like I had to bc he was raging at me and he’s abusive. I felt like I had no choice. I went and it was fine. Then he thought we were dating again but I didn’t say anything I feel like I have no choice. He got mad that I was spending Christmas with my parents and said if I don’t come things will never be the same. I came late that night where he proceeded to put his hands on my neck while in the shower and pick me up take my phone and tell me I’m not going anywhere and that I’m going to take a shower and that we are going to do what I came there to do. He got what he wanted. He compared me to my sister I’ll instead the message he sent me on Christmas, accused mw of sleeping with my family member, called me every name and threatened me. I feel guilty for talking to someone else but we weren’t together and I know I shouldn’t. This guy did everything my ex didn’t do that I begged him to do . I was so happy for once in my life. I feel like shit. I feel unworthy of love and I wonder why I was so abused by someone I love when I did nothing but love

Him. I feel like it’s all my fault. Like I deserve this like I’ll never be able to love again. If I try to move on he will destroy me. He wanted to cum in me and says he wants a baby but destorys me. I don’t know how to get out of this and I hate that I love him. He’s told me to kill my self, to go to hell, that no one will treat me right, that I’m loose and compared to people he’s slept with and more. He’s lied to me and tried to get attention from girls while we were dating but somehow I’m wrong and everything is my fault bc im a hoe. I’m so broken and I feel as if this is my fault. Like I’m so messed up and unworthy of love. He makes me feel horrible about myself but I still crave his love and it sucks. We did everything I gave him my all and all I ever wanted was the best of him. I don’t know what to do anymore