I just need to share. Sorry ahead of the time for the long post...

My husband and I have been actively TTC for 15 years... 15 YEARS! I know that each of you understand how I feel. There is absolutely nothing that I want more than to be a mom. To someday be a Grandma. I have grown up with such great strong women in my life and want so much to be half the women that they were and are. From the time my husband and I went on our first date we both knew we wanted a big family, 4 kids.

FAST FORWARD 5 YEARS.... After not having any luck I go to OBGYN and get diagnosed with PCOS and put on Metformin. I lose my insurance and can't continue with more testing or meds.

Month after month disappointment. So much anger and jealousy and most of all SADNESS.

I am a teacher and run an afterschool care program. I am around kids all the time. I have seen parents take their kids for granted. Kids that get abused both emotionally and physically. All I can think is how? How can people like that have kids but not me?

It makes you feel broken and useless as a women and wife. The one thing that I feel I am meant to be and want to be, I can't.

My worst enemy is a part of me. A disease that so many people dismiss and don't think is serious because they dont know what it is. I get so tired of hearing... "Just don't think about it" "You are trying to hard" or "Its just not your time". Its now been 15 years when is it my time?!?

One day I made a decision in October. I am going to do whatever it takes!!!

We bit the bullet finacially and started seeing a fertility specialist in Charlotte. I'm knocking in 40s door and not getting any younger. So I started fighting my enemy back. Im tired of letting PCOS win!

So in 2019 I am going to win! It is my turn! I realized that the only way I am going to defeat this enemy was by doing something instead of nothing. So I'm still waiting for that BFP. But Im not going to let is hinder my feelings of happiness for others but knowing that its ok to cry too.

To all of us Baby Dust aplenty for 2019! It will be our year!!! 😆🤗😍