My husband and I got married 4 years ago and everything has been going well. We had our first child, now pregnant with our second. We built our home, both have great careers and were happy. Everything is going really great. But, not we can’t agree on this one thing. He wants to move his sister in with us. She’d live in our guest room downstairs and there’s a small kitchenette, but she’d still have to use our kitchen and she’d be in our home. He thinks it’d be great as she can help with child care and he gets along great with her.

I have OCD and have always had a hard time with change and new people in my space. When we first got married and moved in together it was a massive adjustment for me (we knew it would be and were prepared for it). Our kids were surprisingly easy, but I think that’s because they’re my children. Having an adult move it is not something I want. First off cleanliness is very very important to me and his family is not clean (his sister is decent compared to the rest of them, but not my kind of clean and my husband has taken years to reach my standards). If things aren’t clean like I want them I get incredibly stressed out. I also don’t like that she’d be moving our things around and putting in her stuff and little things like that. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s just me.

Second, I hate the idea of someone being in our space all the time. I like it being our family at dinner- I don’t want a guest all the time. And I don’t want an outside privy to our dirty laundry because my husband and I fight sometimes, we disagree and have spat’s like any normal couple. My kid does stupid things sometimes, he gets in trouble. I don’t want someone else seeing all this and spreading it around to others. 99% of the time were a happy family with no issues, but sometimes were not so perfect. I want privacy in my own home. As weird as it sounds I want to be comfortable enough in my home to fight with my husband (or have sex without worrying about his sister walking in on us or hearing us).

I’ve always hated the idea of family living with us. Even my own family. I know my parents and brothers would assess my parenting and my marriage. Even if they never said anything- people judge. With his sister being around I’d always feel like I have to be perfect otherwise I won’t be good enough for her brother. And I’d worry my husband would feel that way if I was trying to move my family in. I’ve heard way too many horror stories and know so many people that say things like if I knew I’d have to live with their partners family they never would’ve gotten married. I don’t want that to be us.

And lastly, I really do not approve of how my SIL would ‘parent’ our kids. My husband knows I have a number of issues with how he was raised, and he does too. But, he thinks his sister would be different because she didn’t like how their parents raised them either She has no childcare experience though and her experience being raised is not one I want my kids to experience. I feel more comfortable with the childcare we already have in place. The only benefit would be a decrease in costs, but we’d be paying for his sister to live here too (he wants her to live here and her help with the kids would be payment).

I’m just not comfortable with his sister. She’s very nice, but she’s defiantly not someone I’d want to live with or raise my kids. We would never be friends if it’s wasn’t for our relationship as in laws. I just don’t think it’d be healthy for our family as a whole in the end. Short term maybe it’d be ok, but for an indefinite amount of time would kill our marriage (I think at least).