Hi everyone!

Just a little background: my bf (25M) and I (24F) have been together for 5 years, and it’s always been a pretty good, supportive, normal relationship. My bf has never been abusive in any way, but I will say when he drinks whisky he gets kind of mean. Not in a super malicious way, but it seems like he likes to joke more at my expense and he’ll usually apologize the next day for it, saying he didn’t realize he was being that way. As a result, he rarely drinks whisky.

So last we were hanging out with a group of *mostly* my friends, playing games, drinking, laughing, and joking. My bf was the only straight guy there, and although my bf and I brought beer, he was offered whisky and accepted. He’s known all my friends for years, but this was one of the first times he was the only straight guy in the group. He is not homophobic, but I do think he was feeling a little weird. Anyway.

I could tell my bf was getting intoxicated, and I could tell he was getting into that kind of mean mood. We all were drinking and most of the group was on the verge of being drunk. We were playing Catchphrase (super fun game for those who haven’t played, and it can be kind of intense.) It was my turn to try to explain to my friends a word, and everyone was super into it, shouting out words and guessing. My bf, trying to mess me up (we were on opposite teams) was grabbing/tickling my sides. I was slightly annoyed but also in the moment and trying to play the game, so I swatted at him to get him to stop, and open handed hit him in the chest A LOT harder than I meant to. The timer ran out and I lost the round, and while my bf was laughing and holding his chest where I struck him, I felt terrible. I immediately started apologizing and rubbing his back, asking if he was ok. Everyone was preoccupied with getting the game going again.

So the game starts again about 30 seconds after I hit my bf. I was feeling super embarrassed and so bad about reacting like that, but it seemed like my bf was fine- until he hauls out and punches me in my bicep HARD. It almost knocked me off my chair, and got the attention of the whole group. One of my gay male friends said, “Dude! It’s not ok to hit a girl!” My bf was clearly embarrassed and said back “She hit me first!” One of my other friends came to my bfs defense and said “yeah, she did hit him first.” I brushed it off and just wanted to continue the game, but you could tell everyone was feeling super awkward and didn’t want to play anymore. The guy who pointed out it wasn’t ok to hit a girl stopped playing altogether.

We ended up staying for another 10 minutes maybe, then headed home. My bf and I have play fought before, and although he has never hit me that hard (or that way, it’s usually just wrestling/tickling each other) I would normally just brush it off. But the thing is, he never apologized. When we got home, he said “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”

Am I wrong to be upset about this? I don’t want my friends to view my bf differently. I just want my bf to admit that a line was crossed and apologize for punching me, not apologize for embarrassing me. I know I shouldn’t have hit him in the first place, but I apologized right away and feel terrible about it.

I feel so weird, and we are supposed to hang out with that same group of friends tonight for a New Year party. Does anyone have any thoughts?