I was 15, I had just come back from a cruise with my aunts and sister, to find out my boyfriend of almost a year and a half had been cheating on me while I was out of the country. It broke me, I began rebelling and doing everything in hopes something would make him feel the way I felt. I was turning 16 in exactly 2 weeks.
I started talking to a guy that I had known for a few years, and thought he was a good guy. I had a PD Day at school (the day off), and thought maybe I should go hangout with this guy and that maybe my BF would find out and feel the pain that I had felt.
It was probably the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. It broke me more than my boyfriend cheating on me. We were playing around play fighting. He grabbed my arm, I didn’t think anything of it because I knew him I thought he was an okay guy. He started tickling me, I accidentally kicked him in the face, I said sorry he said it was fine. Than asked if I wanted to go upstairs and watch TV. He carried me upstairs, again didn’t think anything of it. He threw me on the bed, pinned me down and aggressively held me there. I begged him to not do it I didn’t want it I wasn’t ready, he said it wouldn’t hurt it’ll be fine don’t worry. I told him no so many times. I begged him screaming and crying to stop. He continued to pull off my pants, and began having sex with me while I was pinned down crying and screaming. I have never cried or screamed so much in my life.
He was finally done, I got up. Got dressed and left. I RAN like hell. I didn’t want him catching me. Low and behold when I got home I had a million messages from him “if you don’t come back there’s gunna be consequences” “if you tell anyone I will fuck your life up”. I was terrified. I didn’t tell anyone, and of course I was 15 and scared I kept going back because he KNEW where I lived and KNEW where I worked. I was scared that he would ruin my life. He raped me aggressively the next time I went back. I fucking begged him to stop. I finally stopped going back, I became depressed. I wasn’t going to work or school or leaving my house. I was SO TERRIFIED.
Two months later someone made a comment to me in the halls, “How’s **********?” While I was walking with my boyfriend who I still didn’t tell. We went out to his car and he asked me what that was about I said nothing. Him being the kind of guy he is, dig deeper and messaged the guy and asked if we were talking or hanging out. He fucking told my boyfriend. After telling me if I told anyone he’d ruin me. He said he was hanging out with me regularly and ‘fucking the shit out of me’. Obviously incorrect. I still denied it. He let it go for a few weeks. When he confronted me again I started bawling. At this point I hadn’t told anyone not even my best friend.
I was such a wreck. I stopped eating and going to work and school again. I started having night terrors again. I started drinking and smoking. Hanging out with older people that I classified as my safe group. My boyfriend and I broke up, but still talked. I wasn’t emotionally or physically in the relationship it wasn’t fair to him.
To this day I am still a wreck. I didn’t report him. I beat myself up over that a lot. Every time I hear about someone being raped I bawl, and reach out to them and help them report it. I regret everyday not reporting him. I wish I had, but I didn’t want anyone knowing.😩