I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months. i had an IUD which failed. We found we were pregnant and we were so excited. I couldn’t wait to have a family with him, he’s my forever. As I made it to about 4-5w, I was getting increasingly sicker and was later diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. I couldn’t take care of myself, I couldnt eat or drink. It was a struggle to even stand to shower. I lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks. My physical and mental health were deteriorating. Because of our situations, I had to lie to my father and tell him I had a virus. My boyfriend and I later decided that a termination was the only option. I was almost 10w when the procedure was performed.

I’m struggling with coping at this point. I know it was the only option but I can’t help but beat myself up for it. I wanted to keep our child and so did he. But I was so sick that I couldn’t function day to day. If I couldn’t take care of myself, how could I take care of a child? Plus, our situations weren’t favorable. My family doesn’t know I’m in a relationship with him, he’s 13 years older than me (he’s 34 I’m 21), and he’s currently going through a BAD divorce. Our baby wouldn’t have had a fair shot at life. I see a baby in public and all I want to do is cry. I think about the baby all the time and just can’t help but think. My baby didn’t even get a proper goodbye, just sucked out and put in a bag with the rest of them and thrown away. I think that’s what hurts the most. My OBGYN made the mistake of showing me the ultrasound and I heard the heartbeat, forgetting that I was terminating so that made it all worse. I try to talk to him about it and I know this is hard on him too but he doesn’t get the half of it. I’m better than what I was before, but I just feel stuck.