My life hasn’t ever been easy going. Being in an abusive relationship previously & having 3 kids with the abuser. I wouldn’t change my kids for the entire world. Their dad however, in a heart beat.

Constant life threat, being alone. Being used for when required, being scared of what’s coming next, being emotionally, physically & financially empty because of one person.

Apologising to my children for bringing them into the mess every single day.

But one day it went to far & enough was enough. Being rushed to hospital via ambulance. Transferred to an infirmary. Plastic surgery, then some more, then even more and I’m still awaiting even more plastic surgery.

Apologising even more for my kids seeing me this way. Then ....

Their little faces started to get more happier. Life was hard but my kids smiles where getting bigger. My life became a little bit hectic. Mental health started to take it’s toll.

Psychologists, counsellors, woman’s aid, domestic abuse teams, lawyers, court cases, house moves, link workers, drs appointment, the affects of these started to drain me again.

Insomnia kicked in, depression, ptsd! Flash back after flash back after flashback! My life was crumbling again. Medication to help my mood, medication to help me sleep, medication to help my anxiety.

A never ending battle now with my own mind.

I moved house, got my kids into a new schools, But still he creeped about in the back ground.

Then, as I was laying in hospital waiting on plastic surgery. An old friend messaged me. Out of the blue. Asking how I’d been, I tried to anxiously explain I was in hospital and I’d speak later. 2 weeks passed never heard again out the blue. He popped up. He asked me on a date. I was VERY VERY reluctant as you can imagine.

My friends pushed and pushed. Even if not a date a catch up... it went well. But he has kids & so do I. I’d never been in this position before. He asked me out again. And again .... and again, I kept pushing him away, I wasn’t letting him in. He kept going. He wouldn’t let up.

We went out again. Just casual small meetings as I was scared.

I kept him at arms length.

Everyday he messaged me, my birthday was coming up. He came, after that. He took me on a little 3 day trip. Then I fell pregnant. Mistakenly. I panicked. I never told him, I started to bleed. It was ectopicI had to tell him. 3 lots of methotrexate didn’t work. I ended up losing my tube. Things where going slow, even slower now. My mood was non existent. I was horrible. Things continued to go slowly. Seeing each other in our spare time away from the kids. Eventually. We let our kids play together. And spend time with each other at the weekends. During the summer we decided to take them to the caravan park together. When we got back. I found out I was pregnant. Which was the biggest shock. With only one tube & minimum baby dancing 🤷🏻‍♀️ he was away. Over 500 miles away, I called and told him. We were both kind of terrified. Everything started going through my head.

3 months came. He came to my scan, baby was there, 2 legs, 2 arms, 10 little fingers, 10 little toes. We told our kids together & they were so excited. I’m now 30 weeks pregnant and today. I received this from my little sister. We are both so emotional about it. 🌈

I no longer apologise to my kids anymore ♥️