am i wrong ?

Question

If your stepdad started touching you innapropriately and you tell your mom and she doesnt do anything about it . and you decide to stay home, but you work and go to school and pay for allllll your things including rent for your room would you let your mom tell you what to do?  like her telling you that you cant go to parties and that your bf cant stay over? but you pay for your own things+ rent. i feel like she doesnt have a say in what i do since the day she didnt take action with what he did... am i wrong? is because i asked her OUT OF RESPECT if my bf could stay over and she said yes but not in the same room and i was like what the fuck ..  i think she has no right in telling me what to do .
*** dont tell me to move out, im 19, work PART TIME, and go to school. most of my money goes to school i dont have $800 to pay each month for an apt

Answer

I believe that the moment you told her about the problem and she didn’t do anything about it. She lost all the respect and position as a mother. If you pay for all your things including your room where you sleep in then it shouldn’t concern her.

Answer

you’re completely right . you didn’t deserve what your step dad did to you . and you have every right to make your own choices if you’re paying your own rent . i don’t think you should be laying your own rent when you’re living under the roof with your parents in the first place . but i’m sorry that you have to deal with this :((

Answer

Are you over 18? If not, sorry, but she can make these decisions regardless of money. You are not emancipated, so she is responsible for you, no matter what she has done to you.
If you’re over 18 and paying rent, treat her as your landlord. If she has no written document signed by both of you, stating that you cannot have overnight guests... too bad for her. It’s within your rights as tenant.

Answer

Unless you have a signed agreement as a tenant then she does have say over her house. Look into some more scholarships and get a shared apartment with roommates.

Answer

That's terrible she did nothing about your step dad. I understand that. My mother did nothing too but....its her house her rules no matter your age. There's no way I'd let my 18-19 yr old daughter have her boyfriend stay over in the same room with her even if she was paying rent.

Answer

Move out

Answer

Try moving in to your bfs house until you can find another living situation? Or maybe see if you can rent a place with roommates? I’m truly sorry you’re in this situation. But even if you are paying rent you are still in her house which means you are still under her rules.

Answer

Having trauma happen to you doesn’t give you a free ticket to disrespect the boundaries she placed in HER house. If you can’t afford an apartment, your rent likely isn’t very much, and ANY house you rent a room in will have rules. You sound entitled. I’m sorry that she didn’t do anything to address the issue, but she doesn’t owe you the opportunity to sleep with your boyfriend, nor does she owe you exceptions to house rules. Suck it up or get out.

Answer

I wish there were an easy answer for this, but unfortunately if you’re living with your parents that stuffs going to come up because there’s a conflict of you being their child and an adult at the same time. See, if you were moving into their home from outside the house, they could tell you the rules up front and you could decide for yourself. It’s still their house so they are entitled to make the rules and even kick you out. I just don’t suggest living with your parents, especially if your step dad did that. It sickens me that there are people out there like that. I know you say that it’s not an option to leave, but maybe you should make it one 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

Hmm... I believe she does have a say about your boyfriend being in the same room if it's her house. Can't change that. The sexual allegations need to be taken into your own hands, you can't rely on her because only you know. The best thing you can do is freeze hell over and show him your cold shoulder and get some pepper spray, please... She has no say about your going to parties, don't let her control you that way. You're a grown woman now and you're fully capable of making your own plans. Some adults will latch onto this control like leeches for far too long, resulting in permanent damage for the adult child. You pay rent, now you may come and go as you please. You hold your weight and are responsible. Personally, I highly recommend staying away from parties due to the fact that there are still men out there believing that it's okay to drug and rape women at said parties, just please be smart and aware there. Have a life while your body is at its youngest, you need to fight for your growing independence. You need to fight for your SAFETY above ALL ELSE. Do not let anyone take away your confidence as you did with that man, please avoid him at all costs and if you are truly troubled, write a letter to him and leave it where he'll find it, let him know that if he continues, you'll press charges against him, whether true or false. You need to show the world that you are not to be fucked with. You have every right to your emotions and if you feel there's Red flags around, LEAVE.

am i wrong ?

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