What to say to someone who lost a baby?

Question

I don’t know what to say to someone who has lost a baby! I don’t want to not say anything but I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Do you think offering to support a charity would help?

Answer

Just be there for her. Don’t try to make her feel better because you can’t. Don’t minimize her loss. Just give her a hug and cry with her. I HIGHLY recommend this book:

Answer

I’m an L&D nurse and have to deal with this all the time. There’s nothing you can say to make it better. Just reach out and tell her you’re there. It’s ok to be honest and say that you know that nothing you can say will make it better but you’re here for her. Some people just want you to ask them about it. I would start with “How are you doing?” 
This is such a hard thing but you know your friend and just be there for her!

Answer

“I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” “Your baby is and forever will be so loved.”

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I appreciated the people who simply said they were sorry for my loss and they were praying for me. If you want to do something, bring a meal. I was in a lot of pain physically, and I really appreciated friends who brought food so I didn’t have to worry about dinner.

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Don’t say you’re sorry. Just ask if THEY are okay. They are sick of hearing I’m sorry. Trust me ❤️

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“I am so sorry- this sucks.” Don’t ask how it happened and don’t ask her to tell you what she needs- in the beginning I didn’t even know how to ask for help.
Anticipate something that she needs and get it like a cleaning lady, meal service, or commemorate her child.
I gave birth to our daughter at 30 weeks 5 days and she lived for a few hours before unexpectedly passing.
For me, the first few weeks were unbelievably awful and I just needed a hug and an I’m sorry.- My best friend just listened to what I needed and made it happen- I wanted to look okay for Madison’s funeral so my best friend made me a hair appointment and took me because I was just too shattered.
Nothing is going to be right- but the fact that you are there and just give her a hug is the best thing you can do.

Answer

I've had 5 miscarriages and honestly, I don't know. Nothing helped me but I don't think most people I know knows anyone else who's had a miscarriage. Personally I hated when people constantly told me that God has a plan and this happened for a reason. I know it and understand it but being reminded made me constantly upset and wasn't helpful. I loved when a few friends brought me cookies or flowers with a cute, short, note that basically said that they were so sorry for our loss and to let them know if there's anything they can do. Personally I think I would have loved if people hadn't tried to make me feel better but simply be there with me and feel sad instead of trying to talk around the situation. To much talking hurt as many people were saying the same things, out of love and trying to uplift me, but it just made me spiral more as they didn't seem to see how telling things like that was better to happen now rather than later could be gut wrenching

Answer

For me, just having friends/family members say they’re so sorry for my loss, and sound genuine, meant a lot to me. It’s hard for other people to understand that it feels like a real loss when you miscarry. I was in mourning and it felt good to have my feelings validated by others.

Answer

It’s an awful situation. If it were me I’d just say how sorry I am to hear about what happened and how I’m always there to talk if needed. depending on how close you are maybe make a meal or something? Times like that I’d imagine cooking for yourself totally falls to the wayside

Answer

It depends on that individual. Some things that comfort some people may be taken as a slap in the face to others. If she’s religious you can maybe find a story or quote and put it in a card. Or you can provide a meal. A gift card to a spa. If they have other children you can offer to babysit. You can offer to donate to a charity as you’ve mentioned. Put together a basket of all things she likes. Candy spa stuff movie popcorn drinks whatever...
You know your friend and what they’re into.. and if you’re not that close it’s probably best you just give them their space. Sometimes it’s best to just leave something alone. Maybe a quick text saying you’re there if they need you.

What to say to someone who lost a baby?

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