Like really?

Why do I always feel like this?? I try to be the happy and always positive in this relationship but this bothers me so much. Cody knows I’ve been wanting to have ‘quality time’ with him ALL month. He knows!! He always tells me no or he’s not wanting to. And then when I get my period at the end of the month then he goes and masterbates. Like seriously?! He doesn’t care how that makes me feel. He KNOWS I struggle with depression and anxiety. Well him choosing that over me. Well guess how that makes me feel?? Like crap. Literal crap. HE WAITS ALL MONTH FOR ME TO GET MY PERIOD TO GET OFF!!! Come on now that really hurts. It does. I had to go walk to clear my mind. But I need something more. I want to know why he waited all month til I got my period. Does he not want to do it anymore?? It’s breaking my heart because I don’t even know if he wants me anymore. Yeah a relationship revolves around trust but I don’t even think he stopped watching porn. After I talked to him about how I feel that it’s cheating. He told me he’s stopped watching it but idk. My depression is getting the best of me and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I don’t know what I’m fighting for anymore. What a great start to the new 2019.

*** EDIT***

Ps: At the beginning of our relationship he liked that I touched him and everything but the past two months he doesn’t seem that he even likes to hug me let alone kiss him even on his cheek. He’s never had a problem of me ‘messing with him’ but here lately he doesn’t even want that. What is it?? He even told me I was getting big. As in fat. Just randomly blurt it out. Like that hurts even more from him. The one person I thought would never say anything about me like that. Yes I know I’m heavier than I’ve been before but you don’t have to tell me and point it out.

And he doesn’t even spend time with me anymore. All he does is want on the pc, ps4 or Xbox. Do I even matter?? To him?? To anyone??? Like what am I here for?? Nothing?? And he’s acting like nothing ever happened. I couldn’t sleep. I woke up after a half hour to make sure he went to school. I feel like I’m putting all the work into the relationship and he is just... there.

I am not okay.

I need help.