My father is an emotionally and physically abusive piece of shit who beat my mother, his children, and his current gf. I’ve lived with him for two years to try and “better our relationship” 🙄 but while under his roof he put his hands on me on his gf in front of me and was a complete dick basically. I just came back with my mother after my time with him and I’m not the same. I was suicidal before but it’s worse. I’m snappy and my self value went to shit. But the one thing that has remained the same is my view towards men period. I don’t trust them. I don’t want them. And I can’t let them in. I have tried to be in relationships but I end up being called a “bitch” for my emotional coldness and lack of effort in the relationship. The only thing I see myself going to a man for is to get my fix. I don’t know how to feel about this or what to do to fix me, but I do know I owe it all to my father 😂🖕🏾

Any advice?