So I have had some toxic relationships.

First boyfriend cheated on me several times, no romance whatsoever

Husband: verbally y physically abusive

Second boyfriend: manipulative asshole

I must admit that I only stayed with my first boyfriend because he gave me the best orgasms. Orgasms that I have never felt again.

After one year divorced I took a bold chance and had Sex with someone I liked and surprising but I enjoyed but I didn’t fell in love. It was incredible.

Because we read articles about woman falling in love over sex, I must admit that Sex do freaks me out, I have anxiety and trust issues. So even if I used with condoms with my ex boyfriends I never trusted them.

I do feel better being alone, but I don’t desire Sex like I used to, at least with humans. I do crave sex using my vibrator ok my clitoris.

I don’t want to repeat patterns where I felt like a whore after getting laid, but masturbating helps me when I’m stressed and I don’t have to deal with a bastard, or be frighten by getting pregnant.

Because I had toxic relationships and I never wanted to ave a baby, I know what’s to be a child suffering over a destroyed family.

I do like some men, but I’m not attached like I used to be, or jealous. I feel so proud of me, for overcoming so much bullshit.

Sometime I dream of getting married to a partner crime, then cry for not having it and then I move on.

Society pressures us, to have a family by a certain age.

Im 30 so I don’t know if someone from my same blood will call me mom. :(