So me and my fiancè live in an apartment and in the building apartments are so close together we can hear all the conversations as if they were in our apartment. Anyways my neighbor is pregnant and I can hear her sister-in-law saying my neighbor is possibly having contractions and might have her son maybe today or tomorrow! 😍👶🍼💙

Obviously I'm so happy for her but at the same time I feel like I want to cry because I want it to be me and can't help but wonder when is it my turn. Is it wrong for me to think like this? I feel like it's so wrong for thinking it. 😔

I also feel the same way about my brothers girlfriend. She's going to have to his baby (my parents first grandkid also a boy) and I feel happy but also wanting to cry and wonder when is it my turn (also he was only dating her for a couple of weeks to maybe a month). For my brother I feel like crying because me and my fiancè been trying to convince for almost a year now and he just has a kid that fast with someone he barely knows! {I honestly hate saying this but} it's not fair. I'm happy for them and I can't wait to meet my new nephew but it still lingers 😭

Earlier today I was talking to myself ({while my fiancè was asleep} or what I was told to believe the Lord Jesus) and while talking about things that have been on my mind and I just can't talk to anyone about I cried a lot and I truly feel much better 😌❤ but I still have these ugly thoughts in my head. I feel so horrible and I just wish they would go away 😔😭

Anyways I'm sorry I ranted out like that and I'm about to type a lot of this down to get more things off of my chest (kinda like a diary). Ps I cried a little writing this