Now I know this is something to be grateful for (somewhat), but it seems as though I am like “immune” to drugs. Most of the time, medical or recreational drugs just don’t have an effect, or very little. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, I’ve taken medication for about 5 years because of anxiety/depression/ptsd/adhd. Currently I’ve reduced my meds a lot but I’m still on Wellbutrin and adderall. Pot used to work until it didn’t, I went to dabs which worked for a little bit, then I tried alcohol which actually does effect me easily but that’s Bc of genetics. But I also don’t drink so that can’t help. I know this is not healthy, but that’s not my point. I’ve recently started experimenting with ecstasy, I took several quarters (not all at once) first to be safe but I only felt chill and relaxed. I then took a half in which I finally felt the high people felt taking quarters. I recently went to a festival so I knew I had to take 1/2 in order to actually feel the high. My first half I felt it, but it only lasted 2 hours when I felt it coming down. So I took my other 1/2, but after 3 hours, it still never hit me. So then I took molly ( for the first time) , never felt the high either. I felt more like a buzz but that was all. It was very disappointing Bc people all around me kept telling me what an amazing feeling it was yet I only experienced for a short while. I know it’s not the quality Bc the first half worked. The same molly worked for other people too. I thought maybe it would all hit me hard at once later, but it never did. I feel so hopeless. These drugs that usually make people feel so good/happy/hyper, just make me feel normal. Ik that turning to drugs is wrong, but that’s a different discussion. My point is, taking these drugs only make me feel normal whereas other people feel a high. It’s so disappointing that even drugs can’t help me. I’m not addicted to them, more like addicted to wanting to feel like what everyone else does. It’s so frustrating, Ik I should be grateful, but if drugs can’t help me, idk what else can. This is a stupid wish, but I wish the drugs worked on me, Bc even if I was addicted to them, at least I could escape now n then. I’ve now learned that, drugs won’t even help me escape, there no hope for me. I feel as though there is something wrong with me. Which there is, I’ve researched n know that with my mental illness, my brain produces less dopamine and serotonin. Therefore, the drugs can’t enhance them if they don’t exist. I think I rolled the first 1/2, but it used all of my serotonin, which is why the others after couldn’t work. Btw I’m skinny, 5’2; 19 years; 97 pounds. I only got tired a bit after, but that was it. You’d think after all those drugs I’d crash, but I didn’t. Especially Bc I didn’t really eat or drink water that day( I know stupid but my adderall doesn’t make me hungry). I also stopped taking adderall on the days that I took e. So it’d have more of an effect. It’s not fair, Ik it’s selfish, but when you’re this desperate idk. It’s crazy to think I WANT an addiction, but idk what else to turn to. Especially now that I know they won’t work for me. Sure those pills would be good to feel normal, but I wanna feel high every once and a while. I’m not gonna try other drugs such as cocaine n heroin etc. Not Bc I don’t think they won’t work, but I’ve heard how bad they can be. I’ve tried counseling, too many therapists to count since 4th grade, prescription medication, too many to count again I can’t remember all the names, recreational drugs; weed, wax, alcohol, ecstasy, now molly. Nothing works, good or the bad. I’ve lost hope. I’m just done. There no point in trying if nothing will work.