I see so many women on glow symptom spotting, pouring over strips, feeling so hopeful this will be the month. I've just lost the will to even try anymore. Every month I fall into the trap of temping and charting and peeing on sticks, and every month it fails. I feel embarrassed for letting myself be hopeful. I feel foolish for being invested. I know I will never be pregnant, and I'm terrified of the journey leading up to that final acceptance. My husband is in denial, finds every reason to blame me: too much stress, stop worrying, see the doctor AGAIN, take clomid (ovulation isn't my issue. It's all unexplained). He says if I draw boundaries, I'm not committed. He accuses me of not really wanting a family because I don't want to pursue in vitro. I explain that I don't want to throw my entire life savings away on a 20 percent chance. And subject myself to pain and side effects. I also have a family history of Gyn cancer, so I prefer to about heavy duty hormones. He just gets angry and says he doesn't think I'm committed, and other women who sacrifice get babies as a reward. I feel my marriage slipping away and I am lost. He wants a biological child as do I. And I'm trying to accept the reality that this will not happen, and he resents me for coming to that acceptance.