I don’t necessarily want to die but I don’t want to exist. Ever since my miscarriage in October I’ve been hanging on to my mental health by a thread. I almost had a year sober from alcohol but I relapsed. I hate myself. I feel like I don’t deserve anything good in this world. I’m obviously a failure at everything I do. I’m sober now but the relapse took a lot out of me...I really don’t want to hear hatred towards me relapsing please. I already had women on here say some really nasty things to me when I was looking for some ttc support. I’ve decided to just give up ttc. It’s only stressing myself and my SO out. I don’t know where to go from here or what to do. I’ve never felt so disgusted at myself and empty. I do feel like I was abandoned by God. I pray every night and only ask for humility and the ability to be grateful. I never ask for anything more. I feel so utterly alone.