February 28, 2018 our son was born at 24 weeks. He was beautiful and such a tough fighter. He weighed 13 oz and defied odds daily for a month and one day before we unexpectedly lost him. Our hearts were utterly broken into a million pieces. Judah was our life. We buried him the day before our 5 year wedding anniversary and I remember thinking that nothing would ever be the same. In November we found out we were expecting again. We were so surprised and so excited but cautious at the same time. Almost afraid to hope. We decided to tell our families at Christmas, but December 9th we lost our 2nd baby. This time I was 8 weeks along. To lose 2 babies( one we got to hold and love for a blissful month and one we never even got to see on an ultrasound) is the most painful thing a mom could face I believe. I don’t know if it is meant for me to be a mother, but my arms feel so empty and my heart aches with love for my precious Judah and my peanut. I am so torn between my grief and my need to share my mother’s love with a child.