I need someone to talk to.

Ladies, I found out I was pregnant December 15th, 2018..

I had a missed miscarriage on July 5th..

What happened was the baby stopped growing around 6weeks and 4days. We didn't find out fully until about 8 ish weeks. Truthfully it's hard to remember. It was an extremely hard time for me. My entire pregnancy, even tho it was short was filled with so much crazy things happening.. I had bled a few times lightly after sex. I didn't have horrible cramping but one doctor couldn't even find the baby, and said I needed to get a D&C. I went back to my original doctor because he was the only one who could do it in our town. He found the fetal pole. But it was only 6w4d he didn't see any blood flow or heartbeat. However he said it could still be to early.. he had me come back a week later. The baby shape had started to change. And didn't grow at all. It took me all the way until the beginning of November for my HCG levels to drop. I got pregnant literally as soon as I could once my levels hit below 5.

Now I am sitting here. 2 weeks before my first appointment.. and I am so scared I want to bawl my eyes out...

I have sore breasts. And I'm extremely tired starting at about 5pm. I don't have morning sickness.. I have what I think is ligament stretching pains. My kidney area hurts which we think is either a kidney infection or a UTI. Every single thing scares me. I want to know what's happening with this baby.

My husband is my biggest support system.. I know he wants to be there for me but he doesn't truly know the fear I have daily. Every time I wipe I check for blood. I am always wanting to take a pregnancy test to see if my levels are still high... I don't know how to stay calm at this point. I am sorry for this crazy long post but I need someone to talk to that has been through this...