Long post, sorry. A lot on my chest:

This was my first pregnancy, and my husband and I were so excited. I was due around the same time as my two sisters, SIL, and my best friend. 3 of the 4 are also first time pregnancies.

At 8 weeks everything was perfect. Baby had a strong heartbeat, we thought our chances of losing Little ‘Cek were slim to none. We also thought the universe was working in our favor. Baby was due smack dab in between my husband and I’s birthdays, due on Harry Potter’s birthday, and I would be heavily pregnant when the Lion King remake came out. My mom was heavily pregnant with me when it came out and she saw it. The anniversary of the original movie release is the same as my husband and I’s dating anniversary. We thought sheer fate had our backs. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy either, with my PCOS and Endo we didn’t think it would be an easy time getting pregnant.

Everything on turned upside down at 10 weeks on Wednesday (1/2) when I had some normal looking discharge, but there were clots so they had me go in for an ultrasound. Baby was bigger than it had previously been, but there was no heartbeat and fluid surrounding them, which makes my medical staff believe the caused the MC to be a genetic abnormality.

I have never experienced this amount of heartbreak. It is excruciating. The next day the Harry Potter receiving blanket I ordered for our announcement arrived and it was hard to look at. It’s hard to pack away all of my books, gifts I received for Christmas, and the clothes I got on clearance for the summer.

I’m going in for my D&C on Monday morning, because I can’t do this naturally. I hate pads and I have to return to work where I am on my feet 40 hours a week. I also start my paralegal program in a week in a half, and need a clear head by then.

But I don’t think I will return to normal for quite sometime. I can only be thankful for the strong support system between my family and friends. Coping is the only thing I can do.