I think I am making my self think that I'm pregnant, and giving my back ground history, I am not sure if I am or not. And I have no way of knowing until the the 8th or the 9th of January. Here is my history, and you guys can help me think clearly:

I have been married for the past 12 years. I was pregnant 10 years agi, and The pregnancy ended up being a rare pregnancy called Trisomy 10p, abd I lost the baby, but they had to do a DNC to remove the baby. I was spotting a few weeks after I found out that I was pregnant. Then it became heavy bleeding.

I also was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, which I never had before.

Then my second pregnancy, I found out that I was pregnant, and then a month later, I started spotting and then the spotting became more intense. I called my OBGYN and she said to get a Ultrasound to see what os going on. The Technician told me that there was a baby, but it was growing in a very weird place. Come to find out that I had a rare case of Corneal ectopic pregnancy. I was rushed to the hospital, and the doctor took out one of my fallopian tubes, and part of my uterus out with a C-section. The baby was growing half in my tube and half in the uterus.

And that scared both my husband and I, but mostly my husband.

Now I am 42 going to be 43 soon, and my husband is 48 goibg to be 49. I want a baby, and he does not. He is worried about our age, our risk of having babies with chromosome issues. And he is worried about financial help, since I have not had a steady job, and also he thinks that he is old to take care of a baby.

We don't use any condoms, I am not on the pill, the only method he uses for me not to get pregnant is to pull out.

The 1st day of my last period was the 12th of December. I was ovulating on the 25th, had sex on the 26th, and he pulled out.

I started spotting on the 2nd of January, which should be the day of the implentaion if I am pregnant. The spotting is very light and once a day. It is less than the size of a penny. And even before the spotting, I have been having weird symptoms:

Bach ache, pain in my right side pelvice, weird and really vivid drums, my right nipple is itching, I have a metalic tastevin my mouth, I dream and am craving about certain foods, I want to eat meat which I normally don't, I have headaches, constapation really bad, I feel hot, nauseus in the evening, have mood swings, want to eat all the time, I can smell things a mile away, there are bumps around my nipples, boobs hurt, and I have gained weight, or just bloated. And I am tired as hell. I wake up at 7 in the morning and want to nap at 1pm.

I took a few pregnancy tests and all have been negative. I guess it's still too early, or because of my Hypothyroidism, it might affect my test result. I am still spotting since the 1st day it started, and it is always light and very small. But I am worried, because my pelvis hurts. Like someone is pinching it.

So I am worried that

A. I am making my self think that I am pregnant, because I really really really want a baby, but my husband is not having it.

B. That I am pregnant, but God forbid, it is yet another ectopic pregnancy, or somethingvis wrong, because I am spotting still. Eventhough it is light.

What are the chances of me being pregnant with the "pull out" method?

I trued to call my OBGYN, but she is notbin until Monday. I am in the high risk pregnancy category, and if I am pregnant, I have to be monitored pretty regularly. She had asked me to call her the second that I know that I am pregnant for them to do an ultrasound and get my thyroid level checked.

Well, I don't know if I am pregnant, since the tests are coming up negative, and my period is either on thr 8th or the 9th of January, another 4 days away. The waiting is killing me. I have been reading materials, taking quizzes, tracking my symptoms here, and driving mybself insane.

I can't talk to anyone, until I am 100% sure that I am pregnant. The last 2 times when I was pregnant and had to lose the babies, it broke my Mom's heart. So I don't want to tell anyone about itvin my family, and it ends up beings false alarm.

The waiting and the suspence and the not knowing, and the loneliness of this is killing me.

So I apologize for this LONG tread, but I need advise, and someone to hear my story.

The pictures below are my spottings since January 2nd.