Hi all,i don't know where to start so bear with me lol;)

I am 35 years old next month and I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with baby number 5.

I have a high risk pregnancy as I'm almost 35....morbidly obese.....have Hypothyroidism,hypertension,and a heart condition.

In July,i got pregnant after losing 4st but sadly miscarried at 5 weeks so was overjoyed to find out i was pregnant again on 9th December 2018,2 days after my period was due.My periods are every 26 days and very regular.

I have 4 live children and never had any health issues at all whilst pregnant with each of them and delivered 4 full term healthy boys.

I had pain and bleeding on 17th December and was sent for an early ultrasound which showed nothing but a 2mm gestational sac.,my HCG was at 1310.Had a repeat HCG 48 hours later and HCG was 2674 so around a 94% increase in 2 days.Had a repeat ultra sound 10 days later which again showed an empty gestational sac but now measured 13mm,was told by the sonograohers that we may be looking at a Blighted Ovum/missed miscarriage and if the final scan shows growth of the sac but still no yolk sac/fetal pole then it's time to talk about "removal"options.A 3rd HCG carried out that day was 7239 so again,rising normally.

I am scheduled to have one final ultra sound on Monday,7th January to see if in 10 days anything has finally grown but it's not looking hopeful in my opinion,i have classical pregnancy symptoms such as sensitive nipples/breast pain,tiredness,occasional nausea,some back pain which i had early on in other pregnancies.

I feel so low and feel like I am to blame as believe my illnesses are to blame for my now seemedly 2nd loss,i feel guilty allowing myself to get pregnant knowing the risks due to my illnesses(birth defects/pre term labour/low birth weight etc),I'm hoping to have testing on the sac or tissues if it comes that i have to pass them to try and find out why i am now struggling to carry a baby to term.

Sorry for the long post,i am constantly crying and worrying about what Monday holds for me;(xx

🤞🤞🤰👶❤👍👍