I wish

I wish it was easy. Was up at 2:30 with my 2 year old who doesn’t sleep well until 3:50am. Decided to test and got really barely a line but I hate blue dye test it’s just I’m broke rn and it was my only real choice for a “affordable “ test. Anyways I get this

And I swear I see a faint line but I don’t know if I can trust it. Because again BLUE DYE SUCKS. So I get back in bed wake up hubby to cuddle and I just broke down. Why is it so hard to conceive this time. My daughter isn’t his and he has another with someone before me but she’s a complete crazy mother who makes his life hell and just wants money and doesn’t let him see his son. So no this isn’t a “spiteful” baby but we both want to have one together so bad. We pray every night. We had Baby dances 16 x in December and here I am just broken. I’m over it I’m tired I’m scared because in February of last year I had an abortion both medical and mental reasons my body was not able. It broke me into pieces I cried to the point I got sick to my stomach because that baby was something I wanted more than anything but god had other plans. Now I feel like I’m being punished😭 please no rude comments I don’t need those right now I just wish I could snap my fingers and be pregnant already!

This is yesterday but it was after 10 minutes mark the one about was in time frame but 5 minutes after. I think I’ll go buy some red dye but everyone please pray for my family and I. And I’m praying for y’all!