It hurts when you can’t tell your husband your baby will be ok.

This last week something hit me hard. First let me tell you a little back story. I have the perfect little girl. She just turned 4 months today. She is our first, me and my husband love our little family more than anything. Early December she started getting a fever, and had a green discharge coming out of her vagina. Of course I made the first available appointment, the doctor told us it should clear up and the fevers could be from her teething. (She got her first tooth that week, we were so excited) her fever continued to get worse and she started breathing fast. I call the nurse hotline and they schedule another appointment. This doctor said it could be bronchitis and they want to see if it would clear up. They don’t want to give her medicine since she was so young. The next night she continued to get worse, her fever hit 103.5. I emailed her pediatrician again, she was finally back in town. She told me to bring her in again. After watching my poor girl be cathed and blood drawn her doctor diagnosed her with a UTI. Gave her a shot of antibiotics and some to take at home. She also told me she wanted an ultrasound of her kidneys to make sure she is ok and that there isn’t anything causing a problem or damage. The only appointment was three weeks out, so we had to wait. This is hard wondering if there is something wrong or if it could happen again. But she got better and was her normal perfect happy girl. Friday we go to our ultrasound. The nurse was so sweet and played with her, my baby girl did as great as a 4 month old could. The ultrasound was taking awhile, I assumed it was because her moving and breathing. The nurse said she was having trouble getting the image right. We finish and I get her dressed, then the radiologist called and wanted more. I of course get a little worried but just assume she just couldn’t get the picture. So we start again, she was so good and stayed still but the breathing made it hard to get the picture needed. The radiologist came in and looked with her. And he said probably the worst thing you could hear. “There seems to be a density between her spleen and kidneys and we will need more testing”. At first I couldn’t process this, and just nodded my head. It later hit me, something is abnormal with my little girl and now I have to wait the weekend to speak to her doctor that we have an appointment with Monday. I had to tell my husband who was so upset. Of course it could be something that doesn’t need to be fixed, but the thought that your little girl could have something really wrong with her crosses your mind. It consumes you and you just sit and pray that it is nothing. You never think anything will hurt your baby. But that’s not realistic. I now have to look at my perfect little girl and hope that she is ok. We are not telling family or friends until we get more information but I needed to tell someone. Ladies hug your babies. I used to get annoyed when I couldn’t get her to stop crying now I am grateful that I get to hear it. This is Shaylynn born 9/6/18 for her 4 month picture.

Update: we had a drs appt today. She did great. Dr said it could be something called an accessory spleen, no treatment needed. Or it could be cancer. We had more tests done and now we wait again. Please send good thoughts, prayers, or hugs.

Update 01/10/18: We got some results back, some good news. Her urine came back normal. We are still not in the clear, we have to do two more ultrasounds in the next 8 months. I want to thank every one for your prayers and thoughts. I will continue to keep updates as we do more tests in the next few months.

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Update 3/1/19: her next appt is on Thursday. We will be doing an ultrasound to see if the mass has gotten bigger. Please send thoughts and prayers our way!

Results: we are extremely fortunate that her results came back the same as last time. So the mass has not grown. However, that unfortunately does not put her in the clear. They do not want to do a catscan unless necesssary because she is so little and it can cause cancer (slight radiation). So we will be doing another ultrasound and tests in 3 months. And they will do one when she is a year.

I want to thank every one for their prayers and thoughts. It has meant so much during this hard time of unknown. Hopefully, the next test will remain the same and she will be in the clear.