I was just told how stupid I was and that he felt like crushing my skull in because I was upset at being rejected for sex again. Every time this happens my mind wanders. Not because of the rejection. It hurts to be rejected and I know that persistence isn't the way I should handle it. Threats and verbal attacks are sucking the life from me.

The wedding is in a month and a half. I am constantly thinking about ways I can get revenge on him for what he has degraded me to. I think of cheating and being sneaky. This hurts because I'm Christian and I should never think of doing those things. I love him somehow, and can't leave this relationship. I know it is because I love our happiness. But I also deserve unconditional love.

I feel like a terrible woman for thinking the thoughts I do. I'm just lost.