For a long while I have been feeling sorta “off”. I always just said I didn’t have PPD because I’ve never thought about harming myself or my child and that’s always what my doctors would ask me about. After looking it up, I have a large number of the symptoms. I cry a lot, but I cried a lot before I got pregnant. It seems to come every few days. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night and then I’m overwhelmingly tired the next morning so I keep going back to sleep and getting the baby to sleep more with me (til like 11am). Most of the time I feel like I am not the mom I wanna be. I struggle to get myself to clean up and do housework. I eat a lot, which I know is partially from EBF, but I usually eat even when I’m not hungry. I’ve had many times where I felt worthless from messing up my life with the decisions I’ve made. I’ve cried to my husband and told him that him and my son are the only things I’ve ever done right in my life. Many times I just don’t feel myself. Most days I am perfectly fine and happy and life is great. Then other days I find something to constantly cry about and I pick fights with my husband.
I don’t have friends or at least the people I thought were my somewhat friends are not really friends. Something must be wrong with me to not have friends. It’s like everyone in my life suddenly disappeared. No one relates to me or can even talk with me about anything. My family lives 3 hours Away and my husband just gets frustrated if I’m gone to visit them.
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if my symptoms are sever enough to need medication. I never get frustrated with my son and we’ve never had issues with bonding.