Help I’m in love with my best friend...

(I know this looks long but please. I need your help.)

My best friend lives out of state near my dad and I fly out there like 3-5 times a year. Well I met him ten years ago and we clicked like it was nothing. I’ve told him around two years ago that I had feelings for him but he said we’d be better as friends. Well this last trip on Christmas/New Years, we went to a mutual friends party for New Years. We both had a significant amount to drink and he started leaning in. (I know what you’re thinking and no. He’s not some player. He’s 5’6 and was too nice to break up with his last girlfriend) he everntually put his arm around me, which led to his hand on my leg, him playing with my hands, or when we stood up, his arm wrapped around my back and gripped my hip.

We kissed on a dare but usually that means just a peck and nothing more. Well he put his hand on my cheek, looked into my eyes and then kissed me.

He eventually told me he has feelings for me but we agreed it’d be too hard for us to have anything with the distance between us. The only thing is. He’s such a nice guy, he couldn’t even tell his last girlfriend that he didn’t want to be with her anymore. So is any of this real?? I just don’t know anymore. (I was wearing a pretty scandalous outfit that night and my makeup was bomb!!!) I just need to know if this was or is real.