Help- what do those TTc for a long time do to stay sane?

KC • In a committed relationship - finally pregnant 🤰🏻first time after 2 years TTC

Im seeking counselling through my EAP at work now cuz I’m just lost and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Been TTC for 1.5 years (which I know is short compared to others) doesn’t make it any easier though.

My periods have been fucked I went pretty much 51 weeks this year without a period so although I’ve been TTC I guess there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity.

My body fails me every month. I finally got my natural period nov 30,2018 my temperatures and stuff seemed to be the most normal it had been all year which told me my hormones were working did everything we could, and got BFN anyways. I even had symptoms- my nipples have been sore for 3 weeks and I’m constantly hungry I got blood work done because HPT were neg. got news today the blood test is neg too.

(Ps doctors don’t know why I’m not getting periods blood tests and hormone levels are fine-God just hates me and I don’t know why)

I’m so mentally done with this journey. I’ve been doing acupuncture tried to stay away from western medicine because I want to FIX what’s wrong with my body. Now I don’t care. I have an appointment Jan 21 to see my obgyn and I’m telling her to pump me full of all the medications possible- I just want to be pregnant. My mental health isn’t good anymore

I’m sick of everyone around me getting pregnant. The only things I’ve ever wanted in life is to be pregnant/be a mom and I’m not being allowed that. Why the FUCK do some people who are low life parents and don’t deserve the miracles they are given get pregnant so easy and someone who wants it so bad and would be good at it takes for Ever!

I’ve already started thinking of fostering but I also think my partner wouldn’t be up for that yet.

What do you guys do? I’m sure no one will read this or comment but I’m just at a loss.