An Extreme Roller-Coaster of Emotions
Brief back story for y’all-
Husband and I decided to start TTC. 2 years, 2 months and 2 miscarriages later- We got pregnant with our son who ended up being a full term pregnancy and is a totally healthy baby!
Then, we decided to immediately keep trying for another since it took us SOOOO long to get one good and healthy babe. Two more years, two more months and two more miscarriages later, we found out we were pregnant again, this time being a little more exciting because I took the test the same morning we bought our very first home!
We figured it was a sign this one was gonna stick around. I mean- with the two years, two months and two miscarriages thing, and then our purchasing our first home?! Still, even though we felt it was a sign this one would stick around, we held our breath. Me more-so than my husband.
With all of our miscarriages in the past, we kept them to ourselves but told a few family members and friends. We didn’t want to do that this time. The day we found out we were pregnant, we announced it to the world. Called or visited close family and friends to tell them in person, then took to social media! We stated that we were obviously no where near the typical safety zone couple usually choose to announce, but that we wanted and needed as many prayers and good vibes as possible sent our way and that if this pregnancy did end in a loss, we want to grieve with everyone together and not behind closed doors like we had with our previous ones. We received soooo much love and support, we really felt it, as I’m sure our baby did too.
All of my previous miscarriages happened around 6 weeks, so when this pregnancy passed the six week mark, we were pretty stoked and did a little happy dance, but again, still holding our breath.
Fast forward to 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant on a Friday night. I was laying on the couch when I felt a weird pop and then wetness in my lady business. I quickly get up and run to the bathroom and there it was... the dreaded wipe of bright red blood I had been holding my breath for. It was there that time. I just sat on the toilet and kept wiping. More and more blood was just pouring out. I finally shouted out to my husband just saying all that I could manage, “Miscarriage.” I heard him get up quickly and run to the bathroom. I showed him all the blood and he was pretty floored. Then started the insane cramps as I passed clot after clot. I just sat there and cried while texting some family and friends about what was happening as well as a few coworkers to let them know I needed time off. My mother in law and her husband came to pick up our son for the evening so her son and I could deal with our loss. I called my OB’s Office, but they were closed until Wednesday due to being closed on Christmas so I was referred to an on duty nurse. I talked her through everything happening and she confirmed it did sound like a miscarriage. She said to only go to the ER if I was soaking a pad in an hour or feeling faint.
At around 11:30 that evening I went to the bathroom and passed what looked like a sack. I kept the lights off to not wake my already sleeping husband, cried, flushed, and went back to bed and cried some more while I prepared a social media post for the next day.
Fast forward to the day after Christmas when my OB Office was open. I called to cancel my first ultrasound that had been scheduled for January 3rd. I explained that I believed I had had a miscarriage and was transferred to another nurse to explain everything yet again. I told her I believed I passed the baby at 11:30 the evening the bleeding started. She agreed that it sounded like a miscarriage and asked me to come in the following day for a blood test.
Thursday went in for a blood draw. Got the results Friday afternoon. My hcg and progesterone levels were still high. I was FLOORED. She said a week after miscarriage, they should have dropped some by then. So she asked me to come in Monday for another blood test to compare the two. All weekend long my husband and I were trying to hold our excitement in. Monday I went to get my blood test. New Year’s Day was Tuesday so the results came in Wednesday. Guess what? My levels dropped. I was crushed. I texted my husband who was at work that it didn’t seems as though I was still pregnant. Thirty minutes after getting my results, my OB Office called back to ask how the bleeding was. I explained that it had stopped 48 hours after it started and that I was just getting old blood off and on since then.
I was then scheduled to go in for an ultrasound to make sure everything had made it’s way out and wasn’t stuck somewhere. Guess when they scheduled my Ultrasound? January 3rd. The same day I was suppose to be hearing my baby’s heartbeat for the first time is now the appointment it’ll be making sure nothing was left behind.
I told my husband he didn’t need to come to the appointment because he didn’t need to miss any more work and if I could help it, I wouldn’t want to be at my appointment either. Obviously, my uterus needed to be there, so I had to. January 3rd rolls around and I’m sitting in the waiting room, watching all of these families come out with great pictures of their unborn babies. I tried so hard not to cry, knowing my own uterus was babyless.
Finally they call my name. I go in, lay back, lift my shirt, she puts the jelly on my belly, then starts her search with the wand. It was so silent in there, then she says, “Oh wow, you’ve got a wiggly one!” I swear my heart stopped and I just cried, “There’s a baby in there?” I cried so hard. She just smiled and said, “Well yeah! Look at’m! And here’s the heartbeat.” I cried. I just cried. Then she says, “You had some bleeding, right?” I shake my head yes as she points to the large black blob under the baby on the screen, she explained it was a Subchorionic Hematoma or Subchorionic Hemorrhage. Which is essentially a blood sack, and likely, that’s where the bleeding came from.
After the ultrasound, I went to talk to one of the nurses who explained all the risks and restrictions that come along with SCH. I was just still so shocked that there was even a baby in there it was hard to listen to any bad news in that moment. Thankfully, the SCH is only 3cmx5cm, not the smallest, but definitely not the largest.
I’m currently on a strict bedrest to not rupture the SCH any further in fear that it could stop the baby’s heart or detach the placenta. Unfortunately there is no medical intervention that can be done to get rid of a SCH. There is just rest and drinking plenty of water in the hopes that eventually it will shrink and be absorbed. I will have weekly ultrasounds to make sure the SCH isn’t growing and isn’t harming baby. My next one is this Friday and I cannot wait for my husband to see our wiggly baby. I’m only 11weeks and 2day today, so we’re still not totally in the 12 week safety zone yet, but it’s still exciting that there is still a freaking baby in there.
Had another Ultrasound today and the Subchorionic Hematoma shrank! It’s still there, but it’s on it’s way to extinction! Most bedrest restrictions have been lifted, just still taking it easy. And best of all, I met my new doctor today and she’s confident she can help prevent the preeclampsia that I had when pregnant with my son with this pregnancy and agrees I should be able to try a VBAC! Super stoked to be with a doctor that is encouraging, knowledgeable and kind! This pregnancy has been a roller coaster, obviously, but now it just keeps getting better! I couldn’t be happier right now!! And thank you all for your encouraging and kind words!!