Abortion regret

Hi. I fell pregnant two months ago roughly. I was with my boyfriend after two months together. We had been rowing and spliting up and the moment i found out we were having a huge row. We talked and planned to go ahead. We told family and work and even had a doctors appointment. After a week or two my work was stressful. I was a sales manager at quite an illegal company i think and i was being made to work unpaid overtime and my floor manager treated me so awful. Me and my boyfriend broke up once where he even walkes me to the station. The second was for good. The next day i tried to sort it and he had none of it and told me it was over and brung my clothes in the nect day from his. This set in my head we were not a solid couple. After stress and rows he then wanted to get back with me but at this point the trust i had in him was gone for hurting me like that. Anytime i looked at him i felt sick. If he apoke to me about us getting back together i would feel sick in my stomach. I then got demoted and left work. We didnt really have any contact for a few days. It had been a couple weeks since the break up after rowsdaily and people telling me it was best to not have the baby i had a termination. He came with me he didnt want it but where he was there i felt he still supported me. I kept second thinking but everytime i nearly cried or thought to walk out my name was called   After 45 minutes of being in there i was seen. I began to have tears as i was laying down then drifted off. I woke up thinking where is ny baby. After we went to get food as we both were sad. We are now stronger than ever a week later and back together. I feel sick and cry daily uncontrollably. I look at baby products in shops and grt so sad that if i had maybe bought one thing i would of began to enjoy my pregnancy. My guilt n pain will never leave. I wish i had not let stress n opinions affect me. The reason im saying this is because i havent spoke tro anyone. I am now trying to get pregnant again but feel so much pain and remorse that there was nothing wrong with the first. It was the circumstances and grief. I had attended my cousins murder trial (she was murdered) the few days leading up and my mind was in no state. Ladies, please no matter how hard it becomes never make the mistake i did. No ones opinions matter as its not their baby. I feel pain remore grief guilt sadness every bad feeling. I am 22 years old but am quite immatire at times. I lost my dad at 12 and it was a broken home the last year of his life. Most of my cousins come from bad homes and i didnt want that for my child. But now i feel worthless. Do i deserve another child? Is it right that im trying now because we not have a bond we never had before (it was more fun our relationship before hand. He never took it serious) now he does. And all i want is a little baby to love so much. Please talk to me people.