Maybe I’m just not meant to have children

Sorry I just need to vent. Today has been hard. I am just so sad and angry. We have not heard anything more about Shaylynn’s cancer results. I just don’t think God wants me to be a mother. Shaylynn is my rainbow baby. I probably have not mentioned that previously. I have had three previous miscarriages. All pretty early, but still painful. Any one that has experienced this knows the worry you feels carrying your baby full term. I was so glad I made it. I was worried my entire pregnancy that she wouldn’t make it, she would be still born, or I wouldn’t make it for some reason. But she came out perfect I was happy and relieved. I had a pretty easy labor and she is an easy baby. But now they found that mass in between her kidney and spleen. I can’t help but to think why is God doing this to me. Maybe he doesn’t want me to have children. My husband and I wanted a big family (5 children) and now I’m scared if I even should. I don’t know how much pain I can take. Just needed to vent. Love you all. Here is a funny picture of Shaylynn trying to eat her ball and Fox at the same time.