Neonatal moms.

My baby was in neonatal for the first week of his life suspected sepsis and jaundice I could barley hold him he wasn't like a baby he wasn't feeding he was just asleep most of the time with an eye mask on and tubes in him everywhere I feel terrible guilt that's how he started his life he's now 4 months and perfectly healthy but I still get depressed about the whole experience is this normal I'm crying now just thinking about my little guy laying their :(