I think I've had enough.
I love my husband, there's no question about it. But when is enough, enough?
We married at 23, and we've been married for 5 years now. In our first year of marriage, I found out he was addicted to porn. He was always watching porn when I wasn't around. We face it, and we move on. Year 2, he was saving pictures of girls from Facebook and any other site. He apologizes and says he might have a problem. He says he will seek help, but doesn't. Year 3, he starts doing all of this on his phone, given that I had access to his computer. Year 4, I move out.
I separated from him for almost 5 months because I was so sure that I wanted a divorce. Turns out the space helped a bit and we got back together. We got our own place (we were living with my in-laws before) and things 'seemed' to get better. I felt like I was in love again.
Year 5. He's texting escorts and replying to ads, even inviting them to our home while I'm at work. After every single "incident", I feel like drawing the line. Honestly I've pulled out every straw, but find myself putting more in.
We just came back from Mexico last week and it was great. But this morning I found out he was replying to escort ads in mexico. I'm going to confront him tonight about it. He has this fantasy about having threesomes but I've told him a million times, I don't want it. He clearly wants to live his life differently and have a different kind of relationship although he denies it. However every confrontation results in "I know I fucked up, I'm so sorry, you're amazing I love you, you're my wife, my everything".
My question is, if my happiness is his number one priority, why does he keep hurting me? I couldn't for a second even think of doing something that would hurt him.
And here I was, trying to get pregnant. Like an idiot.