Need advice

Have you ladies ever had to deal with someone who was very controlling , abusive ( physically , mentally ) but you loved him and wanted him to get right for you because you had faith he could? like he constantly brought you down , but it’s like nobody in this world you’ll want to do it with? Like nobody knows the PAIN I go through man trying to love someone who already has trust issues. He past relationship his ex cheated and they were on and off and he said he has seen women do sneaky things but I’m not like that. I’ve caught him dating websites multiple times , he said he goes on there because he be looking for peace. I never start anything , i only tell him how I feel and then he blows up. I feel like life isn’t fair, it’s fucked up & NO WOMEN should ever feel how I feel.