Why am I not happy?? ....

Question

I have a beautiful 2 week old boy, we had a very complicated labor which ended in an emergency c section. He spent 3 days in NICU we both spent 5 days in hospital and I now have an infection in my wound. I'm finding that I'm so teary and break down into floods of tears often early hours in the morning. I feel like I'm doing such a crap job and don't really know what to do. He now has a horrible cold the poor boy. My fiance was so good like amazing then the last few days I've struggled with him he's made comment like I'm dragging him down and then this evening at 3am I asked him to go and get some more milk from downstairs because I was feeding I thought he fell back to sleep so asked him again and he told me to shut up and got his things and is now sleeping downstairs. It's times like this I'm feeling so alone and I don't know what I'm suppose to do or if this is normal to feel this crap. I would really appreciate some advice. Thank you x

Answer

I'm so sorry mama, the first post partum days are so difficult, your body is exhausted, your mind and life changed overnight and it is so hard to get along with your significant other at times.
I hope he apologizes for talking to you that way. If he doesn't you guys need to talk about how you feel, he may feel as thought you complain too much, he may see things as it is what it is, suck it up Sammy just pull through it....that's because his body wasnt split in two, scared, hurt and healing at a turtles pace. It is no excuse, it is a reminder it may be hard to relate.
My husband and I used to passively aggressively talk to each other I couldn't stand feeling like I was doing it all, and he hated being treatedlike seCond in command and just here to help, he was mourning the lifestyle change too. Eventually we got back to happy but it did take both of us trying to be there for one another regardless of who did more.

Answer

So first off ... the first month is HARD.  Especially if your birth plan didn’t go AS planned.  Csections take time to recover from - both physically and mentally.  You are running on next to no sleep atm, and probably not eating enough or eating enough nutrients those first few weeks (because when it comes to choosing between eating and sleeping, sleep almost always wins).
 
Second... that idea that we magically know exactly what to do is complete BS.  And I mean utter bull...  I just had my second 2 months ago and my oldest is only 20 months older, so things should been simple right?  Nope!  Still had to figure things out and adjust.  I had days I was in tears all day, other’s I was simply an angry beast... to everyone.  And other days I loved.  But it’s HARD.  You WILL figure it out and a flow will begin to take place.  You will begin to get more sleep and be able to eat whole meals again.  Things will calm down a bit hormone wise too.
 
And that’s #3... third, your hormones are still WAYYYYYY out of whack.  It takes a while for those to settle too.
 
Fourth... your fiancée may need to hear more from you about what YOU need.  The first month is hard on everyone.  My husband felt helpless.  He told me later he felt it was hard to connect to the baby until much later (a few months) and he felt helpless to help me.  
 
So reach out to him.  Let him know you’re struggling.  Also be sure to let him know you HAVE noticed when he helps and are SUPER grateful.  Apologize for times you may gripe or demand things, but let him know you need his support even in those times, as unfair as it is.
 
If you feel sad or depressed, let your OB know.  Even if it seems silly, let them know.  It’s something to keep an eye out for.  Postpartum Depression is VERY really and it HURTS.  The earlier you catch it the better.
 
(Hugs)

Answer

I even find myself crying at your comments, I feel so silly :(

Answer

Thank you . It's horrible because I don't complain at all to him. I'm in agony and don't say anything because I don't want some back handed comment. He gets his "his time" every night and wine blah blah I just feel so hurt he feels the need to sod off downstairs leaving it to me. He sleeps until 10 sometimes 11 because I feel bad he's  not slept great I run on about 2 hours. I don't want him to think he's doing a crap job or anything but I feel so alone and kinda just want him to go back to work now. What's the point

Why am I not happy?? ....

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