For the last 6+ months your advice, real talk, drama, and dare I say, friendship has kept me pushing through on this journey. Unfortunately our journey has some to an end. After lh tests, pregnancy tests, one chemical pregnancy, bbt tracking, 2 rounds of clomid, and all the BD’ing one body could handle, we are putting up the white flag and surrendering.

We have three kids. 11, 9, and 5. The 11 and 9 year old are mine from another marriage. They go to their dads house 50% of the time which leaves our youngest son (ours together) as the only child. Since he was 3 he’s been asking for a sibling of his own.

In 2018 I paid 10k out of pocket through a personal loan to get one tube untied. The other was removed during his c section (although at the time no one told us).

I’m in my mid thirties with pcos. Prior to this experience the only thing I did to conceive was have unprotected sex. I was still in my twenties then and the stress of a career, mortgage, student loans, and raising 3 boys hadn’t hit yet.

Well since our son was born my husband has been a stay at home parent. Our son is full time in school now. My husband has been in college and is about to graduate. I’ve urged him to find a job - help pay for his student loans etc. He just started his new job yesterday and it’s absolutely a career position, not just a job. It’s something he can do until he retires. He’s passionate about it, he’s helping people, and more importantly, he’s ready. Having a baby right now would be bad timing. I wouldn’t want to put his career path at risk. He disagrees and thinks we’ll find a way but I’m just not in it anymore. The thought of buying diapers, feedings at 3am when I’ve got a business meeting in 4 hours, or hearing crying in the middle of the night and both being so exhausted The next day, just doesn’t sound like the right way for him to start a career. I really believe that God has a plan for us and pregnancy right now, isn’t it. So I’m giving up. We’re buying condoms after this visit from AF (she should be here today or tomorrow) and I’m calling my obgyn to go on BC for the first time in my adult life. I haven’t used BC since I was 19 years old.

Part of me is sad. Part of me is proud of my husband for following his dreams. Part of me will always wonder “what if”.

Through it all you strangers have listened to me vent, offered advice, voted on my VFL posts, taught me to read my charts, taught me all about CM, and most importantly, each month you gave me hope and faith. Hope that this could be the month. Faith to believe that it would be next month and to try again. You have taught me more about my body and how it works than any doctor (or frankly public education- I feel like sex-Ed is a joke) ever has. I carry this knowledge with me forever. Although I won’t have a daughter to pass it onto, I am glad that I went through this experience and learned so much.

Even though I won’t be part of the community anymore I will always pray for each of you. Every time AF arrives for the rest of my life, I will pray for that woman who is already a mom but just doesn’t have a baby yet. That woman who knows she has love in her heart to give, she has time, resources, compassion, but no baby yet. I will be haunted by the outpouring of emotional posts on here of women crying, feeing angry, feeling defeated, and feeling like a failure when your period arrives. I have felt every single one of those emotions when TTC and I know how you feel too. We are the same. The only difference between us right now is that while my journey has ended, yours still lives on. Your next TWW could be it. You may finally see those two pink lines. I pray you do, I really truly pray for each and everyone of you that it happens. Good luck, baby dust to you, and I love you all

💖💖💖

Prayers🙏🏼😩

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