I should just be okay and move on

Okay ladies I want to say first and foremost I am happy for those who are pregnant and expecting soon and I mean no ill feelings towards any of you but my heart is breaking. I find myself angry and sad a lot over the loss of my two babies that would have been born this year. I long to be a mother and blame myself for the two miscarriages because I’m overweight. I cry and think about what they would have looked like and wish I could hold them and love them I have tried really hard to accept it but I can’t. My husband and I have been trying since October and not succeeding but I am scared to try anymore. My hope is fading and when I see all the joyous post of babies conceived and being born I smile but my heart rips apart.