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Chromosomal results finally back

Me • Sat, Aug 29

Today marks 5 weeks since we said goodbye to our little peanut. This was my first pregnancy, I have autoimmune disease and I just turned 36. That being said, I really wanted testing done to find out the cause of our loss.

My doctor called to inform me our little girl (we had a feeling it was a girl and testing confirmed) had Down Syndrome.

This brings both relief and worry. Relief she is a perfect little angel not destined to struggle her entire life. But, worry that I'm at risk for any future children to carry the extra gene.

If my husband and I have blood work done to determine if it was genetic not just a fluke, then what?

I really hope it was a fluke. I hope my future of trying doesn't result in more miscarriages or a successful pregnancy with a child that has Downs. I'm not saying I wouldn't love them any less, but depending on severity, it will be a hard life for them and I constantly worry about their future when I'm gone.

So far I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this, just her. I write to her when I need to and add the notes to her memory box. Daddy is working late and he has to be the first to know.

I'm very thankful for this community of supportive women.

Here is the memory box I made to remember my little angel. She will always be with us in our hearts.