This is going to sound silly at first but bare with me. Tonight I was watching The Bachelor. He’s a virgin this season and he was on a solo date with this really sweet southern girl and she said something that sounded just like me and it really got me good. She said “I wanted to wait until marriage so I could share that with my husband. But I got in a relationship and that didn’t happen and I felt this guilt and now I feel like I’m not perfect because I can’t give that to my husband one day.”

I realized that this. Exactly what she said. Is what has been holding me back in my life. It’s holding me back from friendships and relationships. I’ve been so insecure and scared of people finding that out about me that I’m careful of what I say and I’m scared I’m never going to find my husband because of past mistakes. I won’t be good enough for him. I’m not good enough for him. I am going to miss out on having that special connection with him because of my sin and I’ve been avoiding this for a long time. I thought I was past this but I’m not. I need to experience real breakthrough and freedom from this guilt. Jesus doesn’t shame us and I know that. But I can’t help but feel like I’m going to miss out and like it’s kept me at a distance from other Christians that haven’t had the same experience..

If you could take a moment and pray for me I would so appreciate it. This was something I thought I’d been over and had dealt with before but her words that I heard tonight really brought this back up for me..