I need to share my anxiety issues. I feel like no professional will take me seriously, like my doctor just thinks I’m a drug seeker, I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist or therapist, I’m stuck.

I’ve always been afraid of losing my loved ones. I grew up in a troubling household... my parents always hyper focused on my sick older brother, my mom tipping me from my home every couple of months because she’d fight with my dad, my brother was abusive, mom was abusive... the only stable people in my life were my dad and my sister. My sister moved from home when she was 14, I was 9.

I’ve had so much stress in my life, even from a child, that I’ve become accustomed to it. As a child I was always afraid of my parents dying. I used to stay awake at night and cry at the thought of losing the. I always feel like the other foot is going to drop and something awful will happen. I feel like people talk about me and laugh at me because of how I walk, dress, my weight, something “dumb” I might’ve said... Anything really, I’m overly critical of myself. I have money insecurities, I’m afraid something will happen and we won’t have the means to pay for it.

I’m afraid that my husband will go into a store and night and something will happen to him. Or that one of us could die for any reason at any moment, health issues, car accident, you name it. It scares me. It’s to the point that when he goes somewhere I try to go too, that way I can make sure he’s okay or if something were to happen then it’d take us both.

I’m constantly dreading about the day my pets die. What I’ll do with them since I live in an apartment.

I have these thoughts all the time. It’s to the point that I’ve started to feel like I have heart palpitations. Xanax and bet blockers help but I’m not seeing my doctor anymore. He makes fun of me and has started to treat me worse since bringing up my anxiety. He only gave me these two for exam days at school, so I have no refills. I also take adderall for exams and studying, which makes my heart worse. I’ve tried deep breathing too but it doesn’t help. I’ve actually wondered if my ADHD isn’t actually just severe anxiety.

It sucks living this way... I can’t change what’s in my head though. The thoughts happen randomly and come with such intense emotion. Has anyone else gone through this?