Does it make me a bad person?

Question

Does it make me a bad person for being stressed about watching my baby’s fathers son alone when he is away for days at a time? I’m 27 weeks and 4 days pregnant and I have only eaten once today and have gotten 2 hours of sleep. Does it make me a bad person for not being able to take his son for 9 months while he deploys? He’s really mad at me now because I was honest and told him I don’t think I can handle two kids while he’s deployed. Am I a bad person for saying I can’t do it? The baby’s father and I are not together. He also is deploying in October.

Answer

I’m really confused why YOU would take his child when you’re not even together? I understand you’re pregnant with his child, but that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for his other children WHEN YOU’RE NOT TOGETHER. 
Where is his mother? Legally, I’d would think that she would get custody while he is deployed at least. He would have to give you a POA for all of his medical decisions and whatever else.. idk.. it seems like a confusing cluster. 
To answer your question; No, I don’t think you’re a horrible person. If you are taking care of him now though, for whatever reason, find help. You need to figure out a better routine for not only yourself but your baby that’s growing inside of you as well as the child you’re taking care of. I wish I could help you more because it sounds like you’re in such a cruddy situation :( the best advice I can think of is to phone a friend and ask for help! If you have access to base then try to get involved in a mommy group! You can meet some lovely people and get lots of help and tips from experienced moms. 
I wish you the best!

Answer

Deployment is hard.. I would talk to an ombudsman to see if there are any mommy groups you can join. I was with a great group of girls for my husbands last deployment.. so it made it really easy. You can’t be expected to do it all alone

Answer

Why are you not sleeping and eating? I don’t really understand that part. I think if you can’t do it than you can’t do it and need to arrange other plans. 🤷‍♀️

Answer

I mean...I am having my 4th in April and my husband works on the road. He is home less than he is gone. I can understand why he would be upset. He’s DEPLOYED and you’re his support. Part of that support is caring for his other child. Kids are exhausting, pregnancy is exhausting but you should find a way to push through for your man. You’d expect the same out of him if the tables were turned. There’s no doubt he probably feels like you don’t want him because he isn’t YOURS, and I bet that stings a little. I’m not sure why you’re having trouble sleeping but I take Unisom (1/2) at night so I can stay asleep, otherwise I fall asleep and wake up numerous times a night. The third trimester is a little more tiring and a little less sleep for me. I am lucky enough this time to be able to rest when my 11 1/2 month old naps.

Answer

I could see why he’s upset. Did you not go into the relationship knowing he has a son and that if you are with him his son is part of your life too? If your end goal is marriage I think you should be looking at that child as yours as well. The fact that y’all aren’t married is where I feel like you have an out. But for your bd that could change his mind about wanting to be with you if you can’t fully accept his son too because it seems like that’s what he needs in a partner.

Answer

When you get in a relationship with someone who has a child you are have to accept that child also. If he is the legal guardian of that child full time and the other parent is not involved full time that responsibility falls on you. My bil is deployed tight now. Between him and my sister they have 6 kids. They each have 2 from previous relationships. My sister is the full tim caregiver for his older 2. Their mother is involved but does not live close. Is there a reason this child mother can not help?

Answer

It’s his son, part of custody is that he has to spend time with him. I don’t see why you should take care of him when he isn’t there, especially when you are going to have your hands full.  Now if the mom of the child asked you to help one day while she ran an errand or something, sure, a play date etc. Why not? But how does the mom even feel about leaving her child with a stranger while her sperm donor is away? I wouldn’t let my child go. I don’t see why he is mad.

Does it make me a bad person?

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