Missing my little one 👼🏼

I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant, and I can’t stop thinking of the my little girl I lost before this pregnancy. I was 22 weeks when I lost her, and to this day I’m still so broken over it. Of course I’m so happy and grateful for this rainbow baby as I lost another baby after her at 9 weeks. But I can’t stop feeling as though I’m not in the clear yet, or like I don’t deserve to be happy about another baby. I just wish so much that things would’ve went differently and I would have her here with me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and I’ve just been so emotional lately. I know writing this won’t change anything but I just needed to express how I felt.