Im not happy.
I have yet to say that out loud, but typing it has its own satisfaction.
I've been in a relationship for the past 5 years that I would describe as unhealthy. That's not to say we don't love each other. I've known him since we were both 14 and have been friends for a good portion of our lives. We started dating 5 years ago and each of us had a child from a previous relationship. 3 years ago we had a baby together. So there is quite a bit of history I this relationship and it's the longest relationship either of us have had. On our anniversary last year he asked me to marry him. I said yes, so we're currently engaged.
The unhealthy aspect to this relationship comes in the form of our communication and his lack of ability to do that. I know a lot of women say their partner doesn't communicate well, but when I say he lacks the ability to do that, what i mean is that when it's time to communicate, he shuts down completely like someone unplugged him. He won't speak to me and he won't look at me. This happens with any kind of conflict. Even if it's not about him. I have dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 12 years old. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks. He's well aware of this and I even tell him when I think i feel it coming on so he has a fair warning that it is not about him. Yet he still will not look at me and won't acknowledge my existence in any way. I've told him for 5 years that this is a problem for me and he's basically told me it's either this or I need to keep how i feel to myself. Am I insane for thinking that's horse shit? I'm sorry but I think a healthy relationship involves communicating even if it's a difficult subject. Can someone please help me? I'm not happy any more after dealing with his coldness and pushing me away for 5 years. I don't want this for my life. Am I being unreasonable?